Oh, Yip Yip Yip Yip Yip Yip Yip Yip Mum Mum Mum Mum Mum Mum Mum, Get a Job!

Here is some of the job-hunting advice I have received from reputable sources recently:

• “You must find new connections on Linkedin. Send requests for informational interviews to people in your desired field. Ask for an ‘informational interview,' not a job, because it’s too much pressure–and inappropriate.”

• “Ask to take someone to coffee, but never for an informational interview. Everyone knows what that means and it’s just TOO MUCH PRESSURE!”

• “Your résumé should have a summary.”

• “Never, ever, ever have a summary on your résumé; it looks dated.” 

• “For the love of God; you must keep your résumé to one page. The interviewers won’t read any more than that.”

• “Sweet merciful Mcgillicutty! Send a two-page, functional-format résumé. Otherwise, interviewers won’t read it.”

• “Oh, no, the long résumés suck.”

• “Interests and activities sections may be your doom. It will look like you have too many hobbies, and too little time for the job.”

• "Include an interests and activities section. It will make you look interesting and set you apart from other candidates.

I ponder all of the above when the national unemployment rate is mentioned.